Tomorrow is my birthday.
I would say I've made 29 revolutions around the sun on this planet, but I've never been fully satisfied with the idea that my life started when I enthusiastically exited my beautiful mother's womb.
I always wondered "What about the nine months prior?"
Am I not twenty nine plus nine months?
Or...did my life not begin until I self-actualized? I remember when I was thirteen and I had some philosophical revelations about life and my lens changed; wasn't that the moment I really started to live?
You might think this existential questioning is probed by the fact that I'm approaching my 30's, but if we're being honest, I've been chased by these thoughts every day of my life since I was born.
Here I am. Extremely grateful to have lived and survived 29 years on planet earth.
I don't take it for granted.
I don't feel young. I don't feel old. I just...feel. I am here. Alive.
The same alive feeling I had when I was thirteen. Except...I know more. I'd be lying if I said I weren't slightly more cynical or misanthropic, but the sparkles of the wonder of life continue to shine around me. I'm still seeking. I'm still curious. I'm still trying hard to deconstruct this puzzle and 'fix the world'.
Not the earth. Oh the earth is so fucking beautiful.
I've cried looking at the sun.
Looking at the moon.
Looking at the stars.
Looking at trees.
You know when you see little kids frolicking around outside and asking questions out loud, eyes glossed over with a sheen of amazement?
That is me every time I am somewhere green. Somewhere near water. Somewhere where the environment hasn't been convoluted or manipulated to service the homosapien; me.
When I am simply an observer, like a visitor on this planet...it feels right. I know that of the seven billion humans whose lungs are currently expanding and deflating 12-18 times every minute, I'm not the only one who feels like the industrial and colonial departure from our environmental connection is just...wrong.
But if there is one thing being an avid observer of nature, both by spending lots of time alone with the trees and also observing my own body and its autoimmune diseases met with pharmaceuticals... I know that...things heal and things can change.
I also know the source of much change is energetic. I know the great gift and curse of autoimmune disease is the lesson it teaches the person it affects; that your thoughts and emotions directly impact your physical body. That things that humans, perhaps, trivialize, such as feelings and perspectives, have a direct say in cellular activity and ones health.
I've made secret pacts with my body over the past ten years to honour it even when it was in its worst shape. To somehow find its beauty and remind it that it is going to get better. That healing is possible and cyclical.
The intellect in me is able to draw a line between these truths and those of the world, at large; that similarly, the smallest, most inconsequential seeming daily activities we participate in have a collective effect in the story of this world.
That's not meant to make a person over-think their responsibility or become more neurotic than a human in 2017 might already be, but rather to impart some empowerment and the knowledge that we are so. freaking. powerful.
This is what I remind myself of today; that as humbled as I can feel looking at the astral bodies governing our cosmos, they are a part of me. Almost every element on earth was formed at the heart of a star, including me. and you.
Our biggest ancestors are the giant magnetic spheres that cradle our constant revolutions.
We sit inside of an infinite galaxy and there is an infinite galaxy inside of us.
Don't forget that when you zoom out of the earth, you can't see all the little things going on.
Don't forget that sometimes you think you are the only one living in your body.
There is so much more. The universe inside of you is bigger than who you think you are and connects you to everything ever was, is and will be.
You are strong. You are powerful. You are magic.
Today and everyday.
Sending love out there into the world. <3
Image Credit: Australian National University